Behind the Joy
by jokerose
Summary: Admittedly, I liked him. I mean, what girl wouldn't? Except little ol' me. Hardly knowing him, yet completely knowing him all along. Little ol' me. Little ol' Selphie Tilmitt.
1. Chapter 1

**Author note: Oh man. First story I ever wrote for fanfiction. This is scary! :D Anyway, I'm Taz, hope you enjoy my fic! or..the start of it.**

* * *

Admittedly, I liked him. I mean, what girl wouldn't? He was just so perfect in every way. With that scar on his face- it just made him seem even more dreamy.

Squall Leonhart. Just the right name to make you swoon. Hehe, he'd be waving his hand, saying "whatever" to that statement. The guy was so introverted, never failed to leave the girls wondering what ideas and dreams flowed through his head.

He became an even bigger star after Ultimecia died. His father is the president of Esthar? He's the savior of the world? Any girl would want in on that.

Except little ol' me. Hardly knowing him, yet completely knowing him all along.

Little ol' me. Wishing he'd notice me.

Little ol' me. Hoping he'd see past my energetic mask.

Little ol' Selphie Tilmitt. The girl who hides behind her joy.

Truthfully from what I just said, I'm quite the introvert myself when I'm alone. No one really ever does see that side of me however. I was afraid that would slip when Trabia was bombarded on.

I pray that no one see's the introverted me. I'd dread the thought of what people would say if they found out that I was like Squall in several ways.

Is it easy to put up a wall between two personalities? After some years, yes. It becomes natural. However, it's not a good thing either. You're lying to the world. Once you're caught deep in the storm there's no way to get out. I can't change now.

Who am I trying to kid anyway? Who am I trying to impress anymore? Rinoa's got Squall around her finger now. Why bother?

But if I switch to "Squall-Mode", everyone will be concerned about me. Continuously ask me if I'm alright. Then what?

"Oh yup I've always been the emotional type who never wants to talk to anyone."

Wow. What a weirdo. Selphie Tilmitt? Not happy?

...

I guess it's because I always want to show the world I'm strong. Ever since leaving the orphanage, life never was the same for me. I was sad to leave everyone at Edea's house, but at the same time excited for my new life that my new parents had in store for me. A family is what I always wanted... But it wasn't all it was cut out to be really. Life wasn't as fun without my old friends around. My parents scolded me for being so sad all the time.

Eventually I made myself grow a smile. I made myself be happy. I created a whole new life for me. I made myself able to withstand the terror and pain. To react to a situation with the most optimistic state of mind.

I was Selphie Tilmitt. The bright eyed, full of life, ball of energy girl who had completely cut her whole inner self off from the rest of the world. Afraid of what might happen should she let it slip.

I really ought to stop coming out here after curfew alone. I begin to think too much, and eventually pity myself.

The "Secret Area" in the training center. It was nice out here at 4 in the morning(Possibly later). So, to get some (or any) sleep, I began to head back, readying my weapon should any monsters be out to suck my blood.

But no monsters ever did come out to play. Perhaps they see that I'm already such a lifeless shell that they don't need me.

They don't need me...

Then who does need me?...

Does anyone need me?

What a sad thought.

Strolling casually out of the training centers and into the vacant hallway just before you enter the training facility. The walls so gray, the lights a bit dim. It almost felt underground. It just gave you this feeling of "prepare for battle". The only color was the green on the floor. It led a straight line right into the facility.

I leaned up against the wall. Eyes on the toes of my brown boots. My old, worn, brown boots. They were my favorite pair. I got them back when I was in Trabia Garden. It was always so cold there, these boots kept my feet toasty.

...Trabia...

Perhaps I should escape there, and help with the clean up. If I'm lucky I can leave my broken heart here.

Oh Squall, what have you done to me?

I half smiled at my inner pity joke.

I think I will go back to Trabia. I'll schedule for leave tommorow.

* * *

**Author note: short chapter, yes? yes. hopefully they'll get progressively longer. i've been writing these out on my phone and going back trying to add to them.. anyhoo, thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

[Selphie]

Squall sighed, a hand on his hip as he shifted his weight to that same side, "Alright. How long do you plan to be gone?"

How long? "Hmm.." I swung my arms around playfully, my upturned eyes to the ceiling as if there might be a calendar up there.

"Two weeks? Tops?" I giggle, making myself excited to go back to Trabia Garden.

Squall nodded, "Gonna take anyone with you?"

I shook my head, "Everyones busy here, am I right? It's okay!" I grinned.

"I'll have someone escort you through the Ragnarok then..." Squall crossed and uncrossed his arms. I saluted and ran off eagerly to my room to pack my things. I had asked if I could leave within the next hour, so that gave me some time to pack.

I wonder who would be escorting me? I kinda wished Squall would. A girl can dream, right? I tried to zip my luggage but my clothes weren't cooperating. I tried holding down the lid but even still.

Knock knock knock.

"Sefiiie~" Cooed a familiar voice. I sighed, wiping imaginary sweat from my forehead and went over to the door, opening it with the most cheeriness I could muster at the moment.

"Irvyyyy~" I cooed back. He took off his hat, "You ready to go?"

I guess Mr. Cowboy here is my escort. Kind've a relief. I mean I am escaping to Trabia to leave Squall behind, aren't I?

"I'm trying to shut my luggage but it wont go." I jutted out my lower lip, he chuckled.

"Here let me help."

I let him in, I noticed him take a gaze around at the slight emptiness of the room. I went over to sit on the luggage on my bed. I reached around, pulling the zipper around, successfully zipping it up.

I leapt up, "Hooray!" I grinned, twirled around. I looked back at him to see that half smile on his face.

Irvine is good-looking, don't get me wrong. That half smile he always likes to flash at me is pretty sexy too.

A bit flustered, I turned away quickly to grab my luggage off the bed.

"I'll get that, Miss." He reached around as grabbed the handle before I could. I looked up at him, and smiled, "Okay!" I skipped out of the room and he followed.

I loved the Ragnarok. How its shiny red reflected the sunlight just right to make it seem so majestic. A bit much, but it's true. This ship also has some sentimental value. Irvine headed up the stairs into the Ragnarok, as did I.

Once in the flight control room, Irvine had taken the drivers seat after securing my luggage in a safe place during the flight.

I pouted, "I wanna fly!"

He looked back at me, smirking, "Next time, babe."

Babe?

I sat down in the seat next to his, giving him a puppy dog look.

He took a hold of his hat, "Nah.. What good is an escort when they can't even escort their own client?" He set his hat on my head lightly.

"Fiiine.." I sighed, fixing the hat on my head.

Ragnarok began lift off, and we were off into the mountains.

The landscape below was zipping by. I kind've wanted to see it from the lower deck where the seats for extra people were. I unbuckled fast and zipped over to the elevator.

Irvine turned around to glance at me, but focused on ahead again, "Don't be jumping from the ship now."

"Teehee! I wanna look out from below!" I hit the button and I was down. I made a right into the seating area, heading over to look out the window. I wonder what it was like in here while the Ragnarok was in space? It must've been beautiful. Rinoa was so lucky...

Mental slap. You're supposed to be leaving that behind, Selphie. Focus. I sighed, walking down the aisle of seats. Imagine a wedding in here? So many people cramped in here while the ship is going. A wedding? In an airship? Selph you're losing your mind. Then again, that must be natural for everyone else around you to think that. Everyone loves your craziness.

Don't they?

I wound up sitting in a chair in the front row, pondering my thoughts. Just as Squall would be doing whenever he was in an emotional phase, or just... Alone. I wonder what jobs they'll have me doing in back in Trabia? Hope they'll keep me busy enough to forget about my worries. Should visit the grave sight too, and pay respects...

"Sefie?"

I jolted in my seat, looking back. Irvine shook the luggage I packed at his side, "We're here." He laughed.

What? How could I not have noticed? Guess all that thinking threw me off. I threw myself up and ran at him with full excitement, "Whoo-hoo!"

I leapt up to wrap my arms around his neck, where he panicked, dropping the luggage to brace himself.

After spinning in a semi-circle, and setting me down, I looked up at him, "Finally here! Come on!" I took his hand, dragging him out of the Ragnarok.

[Irvine]

I swear, you can brighten the darkest of moods. Make the most unhappy person smile. Make the grumpiest man blush. Bring that radiant, warm ray of sunshine into my life.

Cheesy, no? Say what you want. I'm crazy about this girl. I just hate the thought of leaving her in Trabia though. Two weeks away from her? More like two weeks of utter lonliness and boredom.

The gate into the garden was partially open this time around, you didn't have to climb over it like last time. Selphie yanked me all the way inside. A woman sitting at the fountain ahead looked up from her book, noticing Sefie right away.

"Selph! That you?"

Sefie let my hand go, and I watched her run free towards the other person, greeting her with a hug. I stayed my distance, letting them talk while I looked around.

The school looked much better now. Still some heaps of waste here and there, but those would be a fairly easy fix. The pathways looked more even. Even the trees had a bit more life to them. Possibly replaced... Even still. Trabia was getting back on its feet.

"Irvy! Come here!"

I looked at Sefie, waving me over. I shrugged and met up with the two.

The woman laughed, "I almost couldn't recognize you with that hat on Selph! That a new style you guys have at Balamb?"

Sefie seemed to just realize she still had my hat on, "Oh this hat? Nah, I think it might be a Galbadian style though."

The woman was suddenly puzzled, "Galbadian?"

"This is Irvine, he's a sharpshooter from Galbadia Garden." Sefie presented me, "This hat looks better on him anyway."

She took off the hat, setting it on my head again. Better on me? Looks pretty damn good on her.

"Ahh.." The woman smiled, "Pleased to meet you, Irvine. I'm Setsuka."

I nodded, "Pleasure's all mine."

Setsuka turned back to Sefie, "What brings you here?"

Sefie bounced up and down "I wanna help with the clean up and rebuild!"

Setsuka looked surprised, "You know you're welcome back here anytime. Now is better than any."

Sefie sighed, relief, "Just so happy to be back after all this time."

"It's wonderful to have you back."

After a bit of conversing and arrangements, I had headed back to the Ragnarok while the two were knee deep in memories to grab Sefie's luggage that I dropped before she tackled me. I took hold of the bag, and started back out to the Garden to drop it off for her. But by the time I reached the stairs she was already there waiting for me at the bottom.

"Hey you!" She smiled, "I coulda got that!"

"Nah it's fine." I hit the last step, setting the bag down, "Petite young lady shouldn't handle this anyway."

"Petite!" She crossed her arms, and I laughed, patting her shoulders gently before pulling her in for a hug.

..."I'm gonna miss you Sefie."

She slowly wrapped her arms around me, "It's only two weeks. I'll be contacting you guys to take me home before you know it."

Hope she'll contact every and now and then before that, though...

"Alright. Before I drag you back with me..." I detached myself from her. She looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes, making it more and more impossible to step away from her.

"Don't have too much fun without me!" She puts on that winning smile for me.

"Wouldn't dream of it." A half smile was all I could manage for her. It's just two weeks, Kinneas, get a hold of yourself.

"Get going Irvy, I bet you have tons of stuff to do." She took a few steps back, dragging her suitcase.

"Heh.. Not as much as you think." I fiddled with my hat on my head.

"You can go stare at Balamb's pretty girls! Duh!" She giggled, and turned towards the gates again, "Go on, shoo! Shoo!"

I shrugged, "Seeya 'round, Sefie. Take care."

She smiled at me, and I headed back up into the ship. Balamb's pretty girls? There's only one green eyed girl I have my sights on.

Turn around, Kinneas, don't you wanna be with her?

* * *

**Author note: :D lol wish i had longer paragraphs for all this, still longer than the first chap- still though. but thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

[Selphie]

Setsuka had gotten me sleeping arrangements for my stay there. They had fixed up a place in the destroyed Garden to help make it seem more like a home in the meantime that it was being rebuilt. I assume they must be having a bit of trouble finding the right people fund into the rebuild of the actual Garden, some of the charred walls still stood but they could hardly be reliable to build on, and due to that fact, there really was no second floor. Only the first floor is where everyone, who was helping in the Trabia effort, was housed there. This big garden was..._ kind've a wreck._ But I guess no matter what this place looked like, this place will always feel like home to me. (And maybe the fact it was all I had to focus on since it _was _my escape...)

Setsuka rambled on and on about something (I kind of tuned her out, going off on a tangent has always been like her) as we walked through a make-shift housing area, with a long corridor with 'rooms' lining on both sides of us. Some doors open so anyone passing by would see the sick and or injured people in their rooms with people at their sides taking care of them. Some doors were closed, but you could see the nicks and scratches of the make-shift doors. It wasn't quite the fancy, sliding door tech anymore. Almost like Trabia just took a giant leap back in time.

I drew in a breath, there was so much work to be done here still.

"..ay?"

I snapped back to attention, Setsuka shook her head, "Oh Selph..." She sighs, "Don't worry about the current state right now, keep positive like you always do- we'll make it. Okay?"

I blinked, gripping the handle on the my luggage, "Of course!" I smiled, trying to keep my joy intact.

She placed her hands on her hips, and stepped aside to show another nearly ruined door, "Here is your room. There's two beds in there- but you'll just have it to yourself."

They shared rooms...? Why am I being treated this way?

"Well. Go on now, I'm sure you'll want to unpack." She pushed the door open, _kind of pointless to have a doorknob if it just pushes open so easily but... whatever_, I took a glance inside, then to Setsuka. She nodded, and I took a step inside.

"Let me know when you're done packing. I'm three doors down, I'll show you around." She'd shut the door before I could even thank her for showing me to my room. _Ah well. _I looked around me, it was like a regular two person dorm I'd stayed in before I left this place. An open area with a table, and two chairs. Then two rooms side by side. The left room had a door, the other didn't. The lighting had leaked through the minor cracks in the destroyed ceiling, and a bit from the windows that were boarded up. Upon closer inspection, it seems they were purposefully boarded to let in so much light, and snow should a snowstorm ever occur. I looked to the floor to find a board and a few bent nails. I guess that's what one would use to close the gap in a snow storm.

I stepped back out into the first main room, taking my luggage and dragging it into the left room with the door. I already had my own privacy, but I guess if someone were to intrude I don't think I'd take kindly to someone seeing me half-naked.

I threw my heavy bag against the wall, and sat on the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but at least they had beds. I laid on my side, feeling the urge to just _sleep._

_Oh right... Setsuka wanted to show me around._

Nap time would have to wait.

* * *

[Irvine]

(Back at Balamb)

SIGH.

This was agonizing enough. This was probably like- the longest hour away from Selphie in the _world. _

I leaned against the back of the bench, my arms slung over, and my head tilted all the way back. As my hat fell off of my head and onto the nicely marbled floor, I took in the new perspective of my surroundings. _My whole world was upside down._ Literally and metaphorically. Oh Sefie, don't you see what you do to me!

"What's wrong Irv?" I could hear Zell chowing down on that "well deserved" hot dog of his. He actually fought for that _one_ hot dog like his life depended on it. That thing will only last him two seconds and he'll be lining up for another one, only to be disappointed that there are no more. They really need to order in a larger supply of hot dogs already.

We two were sitting in the cafeteria, right against the windows where they had tables geared towards a group of four. A bench on two sides of a table. I lifted my head up, leaning my elbows on the table as I buried my face in my hands, "Has it been two weeks yet?" I hear myself say outloud.

"Mith Thelfie that muth?" I heard Zell spew something from that stuffed mouth of his, I parted my fingers to stare at him, "Pardon?"

He chewed, swallowed, bumped his chest and burped. Obnoxious as always.

"Miss Selphie that much?" He corrected himself, I rolled my eyes and groaned, "Isn't it obvious enough?"

This was probably over-reacting but I just felt _so miserable. _What's gotten over me? Besides. It's your own damn fault that she's away from you, Kinneas, You're the one who didn't want to turn around and stay with her.

_But you have work to be done here too._

Honestly, being bossed around by Quistis is work to be done? She only pushes me aside to do it all on her own anyway. Apparently, I don't know how to treat injuries. So what _do _I do around here? Well. Anything I guess. I'm usually hanging around Selphie, helping her plan out new events for the Garden. But before she left, she'd been aimlessly walking around the garden, I'd caught her in the library a couple times, and in a classroom probably reading the Garden message board. She seemed... _Unhappy._

But being the gentleman that I am, I'd always swoop in to save her from complete misery.

...There was always that hidden sadness in her eyes though.

"...llo? Irv? You in there?" Zell poked my forehead. My eyes flickered, and I was brought back to life again like some robot. Was Zell talking to me?

"Bahhh. You could at least listen when good ol' Zell is tryna help you!" He held a hand to his face, giving his best Squall-facepalm impression. I smirked, I guess that pissy-introvert has gotten to us all in a way.

"Whatever." See? The grump's gotten to me too. I slid out of the booth, walking around the bench to grab my hat off the floor, "What were you saying?"

"I was saying- If you miss her so much, why don't you just ask Squall to assign you in Trabia too?" The blonde sighed, pulling himself out of the booth and standing as well. The question was so practical, I almost felt ashamed that I haven't thought of that myself. _Almost._

"You kidding me?" I lifted the hat back onto my head, adjusting it, "The guy will think I'm just trying to take advantage of her since it'd be just us two."

"Uh." Zell had to recap what I just said, he took a step back, looking ready to sock me in the jaw if I did have any of those ideas, "You're joking right? You wouldn't do that... Sicko."

Sigh, "I suppose it does pose an open opportunity should Squall say yes." I scratched my chin, pondering the thought. I looked at Zell, who was for sure ready to kill me. I shook my head, holding a hand ontop of my hat, "Don't you guys trust me?"

"No." He answered _fairly_ quickly. He seemed pretty sure in his answer too. Wow, can you believe the lack of faith?

"Well. In any case, I think I will give it a go." What's the worst that can happen?

"Mm." The blonde crossed his arms. I grinned,

"And who knows! Maybe Selph and I _will-_"

"Nope! I'm out!" Zell threw his hands up and walked away. I laughed, "Oy! Zell!"

* * *

[Selphie]

After unpacking _half_ of my luggage, and throwing on a light jacket, I headed down the curved hallway again to find Set's room. Three doors down. Just as she said. I had a quick scan of her room when she opened it. There was another female inside, but I wasn't sure of her name. She did look familiar though. Set beamed, "Selph! All done?"

I nodded, she looked back at the other person in the dorm- "Be back soon!"

We were off. Set had begun to ramble on once again, I rolled my eyes, smiling to myself. Set ran me by the 'now working' locker room. _Now working? Was the showers not..._ How horrible. I can't believe anyone would stick around here after the bombs. Set then showed me what they called the 'cafeteria'. There were some tables, some people ate standing up, and sat up against slabs of the concrete wall. The kitchen was open to everyone, there was a big pot of steaming soup and a stack of bowls on a nearby table, ready for anyone who was hankering for some delicious... I think... _Guck_. Hard to believe they still had food. Maybe I could contact Squall and ask if there was anything he could do.

This whole place still seemed so gloomy... But for some reason it just didn't bug me. Now _that's _sad.

Set showed me a couple more places, passing by the cemetery in between the two destinations. I couldn't even look over. I would've ended up crying once again. No one needs to see Sad Selphie for a bit... Not now. I can't become a burden.

Once done with the little tour, we were back at the fountain again. Set picked up a book laying on its pages on the edge of the fountain, dusting it off and turning back around to me, "We're working on the Garden now, on the south end since the walls there aren't in such good shape like the front. I guess that's where we'll have you start working tommorow. Sound good?"

I looked around at the somewhat lively trees, and the people around us conversing, "Sounds good!" I looked back at her, plastering that same old smile on my face.

"Help! Oh...!" An older woman was rushing around, "Has anyone seen my kids? Someone!"

Set and I stood there, staring at the hysterical woman. She questioned two other people near her, then spotted us, "Oh please, please you have to help me!

"What happened?" I heard Set ask.

"I dozed off for.. I don't know, twenty minutes.." she explained that her two kids must have wandered off and were no where to be found on the destroyed campus. Great parenting skills, if you ask me.

"I'm worried if they wandered outside the gates." Her tear stung eyes pleaded me to help. Sigh. _I suppose..._

"I'll go find them!" I brought out my joy, and I suppose my inner-Zell, "Don't worry!"

"A-Alone?"

"Selph here is a SeeD now, she's got herself covered ma'am." Setsuka stepped in, "Lets go get you some tea inside, ma'am. So, Selph?"

The lady gave me a brief description of her two kids and I saluted, putting on my usual smile and cheer. Looks like work starts early.

_What a bother._

* * *

**Author note: Honestly, I started writing this story a while back... I think... late april. Haha. But anyways, hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! ~Taz**


	4. Chapter 4

[Selphie]

Oh _Hyne_. These kid's are more of a hassle than I will ever be. With Trabia barely in sight, still so very far away, I just wanted to leave the kids. I had them both by the back collars of their shirts, dragging them back. Literally, _dragging._ I think if they retaliated more, they would rip their shirts off. But in any case, I was tired of it. To recklessly run off into the nearby forest was just plain stupid. We were just on the edge of the forest, the kids began to hold onto trees. _Please, give me the strength to not knock these kids out._

But, being a good SeeD that I am, I haven't knocked them out with my nunchaku. _Yet._

I froze, realizing that Trabia was slowly fading away. What the...?

The girl suddenly whimpered, wrapping her arms around me. I looked around us, seeing that a storm was starting to kick in. Sigh, damn. The wind was picking up, chilling me to the bone. I probably should have thrown on something warmer, considering my current location in the world is in the mountains. These kids seem warm enough though, bundled in their jackets and long pants. Meanwhile, I'm probably going to be found dead out in these fields in a yellow mini dress. So don't panic Selphie. This isn't a matter of life and death or anything.

I whirled around, realizing that both kids were clinging onto me, the boy holding my hand, the girl with her arms around my waist.

But the wind rang in my ears, and almost faintly I could hear a _low growl._ The children cried, and I whipped around, seeing some... Monstrous beast walking around in the forest. It's massiveness rang in each step, scraping along the cold ground. It's shoulders hunched around it's head. It was an ugly thing... What on earth was that? I've never encountered such a thing like that before. I gestured the kids to start moving before the fear could freeze them on the spot. We snuck away quietly, luckily we weren't deep in the forest. I recited a small prayer that the monster inside the forest wouldn't see us, because I was quite tired, and not exactly prepped for a battle with such a massive monster.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, hearing the beast shout something out in surprise. Horrified, I whipped my head around, seeing the beast trotting towards us and gaining speed to possibly chow down on us delicious looking humans. There was hardly enough time to think, but I turned around, shoving the kids into a sprint,

"Go! Run!" I yell, feeling the adrenaline seep into me, preparing for a small fight. The kids were off, slowly disappearing in the midst of the snowstorm towards Trabia. I turned around, what did I have? Anything? I looked back at the monster, that towered so high above me, its red eyes staring me down, his harsh breaths puffing hot air that was visible in this cold weather. I gripped my nunchaku, _come on, think! _

I backed away, just as the monster began to move towards me. It was about to grab me, but I, without thinking, set off a fira spell in it's face. It shrieked at the burn, holding its face to put out the fire. _Now's my chance,_ I turned and ran. Ran with all I had. The monster recovered from the fire, it's anger now audible as it growled and cried out after me. It began to run after me. _No... No no! _I looked ahead to where the garden was, I can't lead this thing there. Perhaps if I give myself up to it, it'll leave the Garden alone. Or if I could somehow kill this thing with the_ little _spells I had on me at the moment. I set another fire spell in its face when it got too close. Even though I _clarified_ running back to Trabia would cause some issues, I was still running towards it.

_What are you running from now?_ I ask myself, setting off another spell to keep the monster at bay.

I almost stopped dead in my tracks, realizing how stupid I've been _my entire life. _All this time, I've been running from everything I've ever been afraid of. Afraid of love, afraid of being judged, afraid of myself, afraid of death.

_Afraid of death?_

...No. If anything, I think I welcomed death. I wasn't sure if there was anyone who truly cared about me all this time. My parents didn't, and Rinoa had Squall all to herself now. I was alone, wasn't I? Maybe this monster was fate _telling_ me something.

_I can finally stop pretending now. _

I felt so much relief wash over me at the thought, but debated if that had been a good thing. I kicked sense into myself, realizing that I have people to protect. _My_ people. _You can think about yourself later, act like the SeeD you are and get this job done._

I twisted around, but was greeted by a clawed hand striking me hard in the side. My head snapped back on impact, and I felt my body go flying and meet with the ground. I rolled into the fresh falling snow, ending up face first in my white surroundings. I propped myself up on my left forearm, holding my opposite hand to my aching and now bleeding left side. It stained my bright yellow dress a nice crimson color. It stood out fairly well on me, and the snow where I crash landed. _Shit_. I smirked, feeling a few broken ribs. _This wasn't good at all._

I tried to be strong, and pull myself up. Yet I felt another hit in that same side, causing me to roll onto my back. The dreadful pain was even worse now. I cried. Serves you right for not coming prepared, Selphie.

I coughed up a brilliant red. Wow, was this really how I'm going out of this world?

_Just give it up._

I gave a side glance at the beast eyeing me as it's next meal, and I shut my eyes. My head was throbbing, the pain in my whole body was screaming at me. I'm just one small girl. I act tough, but inside I'm as sad as ever.

_Pathetic._

I laid there helplessly, feeling myself slipping into unconciousness.

But two gunshots ring out, and they echo in my dreams.

* * *

[Irvine]

It wasn't even _one day _and the girl almost gets herself killed.

I'd surprisingly gotten the "O.K" from Squall to go assist Sefie, and I'd loaded up my things and Zell escorted me through Ragnarok just as I did for Selphie. We were zipping through the mountains fine, joking around, but nearing the garden we were caught in some storm. We felt almost lost for a few seconds, but suddenly a burst of fire on the ground caught both of our eyes. We both considered that maybe they had a signaling system for incoming flights during storms. So we landed, but didn't see a garden anywhere near us.

But we both heard a monster cry, and another burst of fire. Zell and I knew better, and someone was in danger.

So now, here I am. Sitting in Balamb garden once again, wondering if my green eyed angel will ever wake up. It's been a couple days now. No news from Doctor Kadowaki all afternoon. I'd been pacing around on the bridge into the infirmary for hours now. _SelphieSelphieSelphie..._ I shook my head. The memory of finding Selphie broken and battered like that made me cringe. It was my fault for leaving her behind.

I slammed a hand down on the railing, "_Damn it!_"

I probably startled a few students, but they don't matter. Selphie was everything to me.

I remember back when I had told Rinoa back at Trabia, that I have people I care about, and that's why I fight. Selphie was the main person on my mind at that moment. She was my everything. She made me the happiest boy in the orphanage, and... Well, seeing her again years later at Galbadia Garden. _Gosh, my heart has never beated so fast._

I've tried to distract myself by flirting with other girls, wondering if it'd ever sway my feelings for Selphie, but... It's just her.

It'll always be her. I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Go in and see her, you fool."

I spun around, Quistis standing on the other side of the bridge. Her arms crossed, her expression stone cold. I could only look at her. What could I say?

"You love her don't you? So go in there and see her."

I almost bit back with a defensive comment, but... Who am I to hide from the truth? Why _don't _I go in and visit her? Maybe because I'm afraid of what I'll find... Or what I'll find out.

"Don't turn into Squall on me now." Quisty laughed, her emotionless face now full of life.

"Bah. Whatever!" I turned to the walkway into the infirmary. _Go see her._

"Go Irvine."

By now, I realize the blonde was now behind me, pushing me towards the doors.

"H-hey! Wait, no!"

"No, you're going in there."

"Quisty please-"

"No."

"What do you mean-"

"No."

"Can't I just-"

"No."

The door slid open, and I was pushed inside, "There. Stay with her, Irvine. It's hard to see you so miserable."

Quistis waved, and walked away. The door zipped closed. Guess there really was no turning back now. I turned around to the Doctor in the room, who had an eyebrow raised in suspicion. I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. She shook her head, and finished writing whatever she was writing and set the pen down, looking back up at me, waiting for me to say something.

"H-hey doc!" I managed to get out. Why am I so nervous?

"Irvine. Selphie is still resting, would you like to see her?"

I forced myself to calm down, and nodded.

"She's in the left room there." She gestured behind me, and I turned around. Slowly walking into the recovery room.

I took my hat off, and my eyes laid on her. She laid there perfectly, her hands meeting at her abdomen, her breathing was soft. A white blanket draped over her, and ended at mid-chest. She had a few minor scratches on her cheek, and a bandage covering her left temple. I pulled up the small chair to her bed side. She was still as perfect as she'd always been.

But I missed her smile. To see those laughing green eyes stare up at me. I snuck my fingerless gloved hand underneath her small hand, tangling my fingers with hers. I drew in a breath, noticing how cold her hand was. I ran my opposite hand over my face. She was so cold... What good was this blanket?

I sighed, irritated, "Sef..." I say quietly, my eyes pinned on our joined hands. I looked to her resting face again, and I shifted a lock of her hair that lay over her shut eye. Brushing it aside, I ran a thumb across her scratched cheek. I bit my tongue, if I could've gutted that monster after Zell and I killed it, I would've.

_Sigh._ I couldn't take much more of this silence. It hurt too much. I forced myself to let her hand go, and leave her side. I looked back at her from the door way, and nodded to Kadowaki. Throwing my hat back on, familiar words haunt me again.

_Turn around, Kinneas._

The next day, I didn't need anyone to tell me twice to go and stick by Selph's side while she slept. Feeling confident, I strolled into the infirmary again, noticing Kadowaki was no where in sight. But I could hear voices coming from Selph's room. I pinned Selphie's voice right away, it was light, and in a low whisper, possibly in pain still. But that other voice wasn't Kadowaki. I peered slyly from around the corner, seeing a black figure sitting at the bedside. I drew back.

Squall. Of course. Of course she would magically wake up to him. Of course it would be him to be the first to greet her.

I've seen the way she looks at him, how much her emotions fall whenever Rinoa comes along, clinging to Squall's arm. She thinks she can hide those feelings from me? Of course not. I have a knack for pointing these type of things out.

I've known all this time that she was crushing the introvert. Every girl was practically swooning over him after Ultimecia.

Who would've known my Selph would be apart of that crowd.

I felt my jaw clench, and I walked out. Why am I so angry? I knew she liked him from the start. Of course she's the one I've been fighting for. The one I've been waiting for. The one I've always wondered if I'd ever see again. Now to be greeted by this nonsense, and to keep my hopes up that maybe she'll one day see how much _I_ care about her.

_Nevermind, Kinneas. Your green-eyed angel loves someone else._

* * *

**A/N: Got off my ass and wrote something! lol. But anyway, yeah. Been kinda lazy, and re-debating if i should continue this. But then I got this chapter all written out, and remembered how much i kinda liked the idea and future ideas i had for it. i guess i still got more to show**

**well, anyway, thank you so much for taking a gander at my writings! ~3Taz**


End file.
